Walking on Water

// You call me out upon the waters / The great unknown, where feet may fail /

It was a hot night in June 2014 when I first heard these lyrics.  I was surrounded by people - many of which I knew, and even more that I did not - yet my heart felt so alone.

/ And there I find You in the mystery / In oceans deep, my faith will stand /

I mumbled along with the song, pretending I knew the words, looking around me at the crowded camp dining hall, wondering why God had brought me here again.  It had been a hard year for me, and my choice to return to GLBC had been a halfhearted one.  "Why not?" I had thought.  "God's not giving me an exact answer, and I have nothing else to do..."

/ I will call upon Your name / And keep my eyes above the waves /

Even training week had been a battle, though I was back at my favorite place with so many of my favorite people.  I had already seen God working in the seven days previous to this evening.  Nevertheless, my heart was...empty.  I was hurting.

/ When oceans rise / My soul will rest in Your embrace / For I am Yours, and You are mine /

I linked arms with my best friend and turned my focus to the words on the screen and the voices joined together singing them.

/ Your grace abounds in deepest waters / Your sovereign hand will be my guide /

Deep waters.  Dark, cold, unforgiving...yeah, I know what that's like.  I've tread in them before.

/ Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me / You've never failed, and You won't start now /

2 Timothy 2:13 - "If we believe not, yet He is faithful: He cannot deny Himself."  Was I believing?  Not really.  No, what could God ever do with me?  What would He WANT to do with me?

/ So I will call upon Your name / And keep my eyes above the waves /

Treading, treading, treading.  Trying to keep my head up, looking for land, for rest.  But I had forgotten that my Lifeguard walks on water.

/ When oceans rise / My soul will rest in Your embrace / For I am Yours, and You are mine /

I had been trying so hard for so long on my own when God had been waiting to answer my call - He had been waiting for me to ask, to cry out for Him.  I didn't wait an longer.  The walls around my heart came down and I emptied everything at His feet.  I reached for the hand that was extended.

/ Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders / Let me walk upon the waters wherever You would call me /

I prayed that He would give me the faith I needed to climb out of the boat with Him and not sink this time.  I prayed that I would finally be able to give myself to Him without holding any part back - that no doubt or fear would take my eyes off of Him.

/ Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander / That my faith would be made stronger in the presence of my Savior /

Had I not experienced that change in my heart that night, my whole summer would have taken a different direction.  Not to say that it didn't have it’s challenges - because it certainly did - but I would have not had the willingness and openness to what the Lord was going to reveal to me during my seven weeks at Grindstone.  That change in my heart has had the potential to totally change my life.

That is why this beautiful song has become my heart cry.  Many groan and say it’s overplayed, but whenever I hear it, the prayers I prayed that night swell anew in my heart and I say again, “I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.  My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.” (Psalm 121:1-2)